Phone Sex is a great way to keep the sexual fire alive with your partner. It can be done in many ways, including sexting, role-playing, or imagining scenarios.
One of the most important aspects is being frank and transparent about your desires, Michels says. This can mean a direct conversation, or it could mean something more subtle, like dropping flirty hints in advance.
1. Know Your Limits
Phone sex is an excellent way to explore your wilder fantasies, like role-playing or masturbation. However, it is important to know your limits and be clear with your partner about what you’re both comfortable with. It is also crucial to keep your conversation private and avoid giving away any personal information, including your real name or location. This can lead to unwanted harassment and even danger. Using an alias is the best way to stay safe and still show off a different side of yourself.
Some people are hesitant to engage in phone sex because they don’t feel comfortable talking dirty. But it doesn’t have to be difficult or intimidating. For example, if you are nervous about discussing your sexual fantasies, you could start by describing a scene from a book or movie that gets you turned on. You can also try reminiscing about a sexy moment from your past.
Just be sure that you have everything you need before you get started, such as a charged battery and a bottle of lube. You don’t want to have to pause because your vibrator is dying or you ran out of sexy lube in the middle of a hot call.
2. Know Your Partner’s Limits
Whether you’re in a long-distance relationship, looking to spice things up, or trying out sex over the phone with a new crush, having sexy conversations on the phone can be fun and super hot. But it’s important to know your partner’s limits so that you can stay safe and enjoy yourself.
Having a conversation about what turns you both on is a good place to start, says Harris. Try describing the touch you want—the way their skin feels on your hands, the smell of their breath, or what they would feel like against your lips. It’s also a great time to dip into your “fantasy bank,” she adds, talking about things that turn you on but that you wouldn’t have in real life, like public sex or sex in a public place like a library or a restaurant bathroom.
If you’re both into role play, that’s a great idea too. And if you’re both into BDSM, it’s an ideal time to play around with power dynamics and sex over the phone. Just be sure to have a safe word and aftercare plan in place.
3. Know Yourself
Phone sex may conjure up memories of a bygone era of rotary telephones and heavy breathing down the line, but it can be a great way to turn on your partner. Phone sex is basically any sexual talk over the phone, and it can range from exploring fantasies to sharing details about a masturbation technique or even having a conversation that morphs into a role play session with one person telling the other what they want them to do.
It can be intimidating to broach the topic of phone sex, but experts like Lori Michels, an AASECT-certified sex therapist, recommend being open and honest about what turns you on over the phone and asking for consent. If the idea of dirty talk is completely off-limits, try using a little humor to get your point across.
And, of course, phone sex can also be used as foreplay and for you to break out your favorite vibrators or toys—trying out different ones with your partner is an especially fun way to add a new element of pleasure while you’re on the call.
4. Know Your Partner’s Mood
When it comes to phone sex, you want to give each other your full attention so there are no distractions. So dim the lights, get comfy and make sure your fave sex toys are close by. This will help to set the mood and will also give you something to focus on if there are any awkward silences.
As for the phone sex conversation itself, try to keep it as sexually explicit as possible. Use vivid, descriptive adjectives to really turn on your partner’s (and your own) imagination—tickle, lick, stroke, pull, thrust, and more. Adding in erotic body sounds can be a great way to up the sexual tension, too. For example, mimicking oral sex with your tongue can be really seductive over the phone.
You can also play with changing your voice. Speaking loudly can sound harsh and abrasive, while using a deep, sensual tone of voice can be much more erotic. Plus, slowing your speech down can sound even more sexy over the phone. Just remember to always be polite and use a clear, understandable accent.
5. Know Your Environment
Phone sex can be a great way to spice up your long-distance relationship or try out new sexual kink with a casual acquaintance. But the key to having good phone sex is to know your surroundings and get in the mood before you start.
Jess recommends dipping into your “fantasy bank” to find out what kind of settings and scenarios turn you on. For example, she says, sex in public spaces can be really arousing, as can sex in private spaces like cars or airplanes.
During your call, be descriptive and use your words to paint a picture in your partner’s mind. The more detailed the picture, the more arousing it will be. You can also talk about what’s happening in your body, such as moaning or gasping, to elicit sexual responses in return.
Finally, make sure you’re getting consent. That might mean having a frank conversation where you tell your partner that phone sex is something you’re looking to try out. It could also mean clearly asking if they’re into it, says Cooper.
